Staff Chief of Joints

-Hailing from parts unknown!
-Purveyor of Fine Toots
-Comma enthusiast
-Boytato
-He thinks he's funny / Please humor him

Musical noodlings and loops:
http://youtube.com/@the_etrain

My bullshit:
https://justmytoots.com/@the_etrain@beige.party

#nosearch #nobot #noindex

FACEBOOK: Surely, you jest
INSTAGRAM: Get the f$%# outta here!
WEBSITE: I wrote the HTML by hand in 1996. It's long gone.

Public Key

npub1jdegpgv330hdhuq8xv2xt83t6rzt52z6czcrarznp7nhxwrkgg4qdc8lnl

NIP-05 Address

the_etrain_at_beige.party@momostr.pink

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsfxu5q5xgchmkm7qrnx9r9nc4ap3969pdvpvp733fslfmn8pmyy2sprpmhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0d4hhxarj9ecxjmntqyt8wumn8ghj7un9d3shjtnswf5k6ctv9ehx2aqsyn6nh

Publishing to

relay.momostr.pink

relay.primal.net

relay.damus.io

Author Public Key

npub1jdegpgv330hdhuq8xv2xt83t6rzt52z6czcrarznp7nhxwrkgg4qdc8lnl

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Last Notes

2026-10-02 17:18:32 UTC

OUR AUTOMATED SYSTEM DETECTED IRREGULAR ACTIVITY WITH YOUR PANTS. PLEASE REMOVE YOUR PANTS AND TRY AGAIN.

2026-09-26 12:45:27 UTC

Set the Wayback Machine to 1993.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/337/401/317/995/001/original/1a27d5853d4915f6.jpeg

2026-09-25 16:57:57 UTC

13-factor authentication: The eighth factor will appear in a water stain on your ceiling after a thunderstorm later tonight.

2026-09-25 01:52:17 UTC

The internet is amazing. I can't believe they do all that with pneumatic tubes.

2026-09-24 13:56:51 UTC

:geordi_no: Parasocial relationship
:geordi_ye: Paranormal relationship

2026-09-23 16:21:04 UTC

RE: https://mastodon.social/@levelbot/117321251555454261
Mastodon: where anything below 96% cats is considered critically low.

2026-09-22 20:29:27 UTC

I brake for potatoes.

2026-09-22 01:39:26 UTC

How much should you tip a proctologist?

2026-09-21 21:47:59 UTC

I regularly unsubscribe from an amazing amount of stuff I never subscribed to in the first place.

2026-09-16 01:03:39 UTC

Welcome to AI court. You've been assigned an AI defender. Please rise for the AI judge.

2026-09-12 11:12:37 UTC

AI could cure cancer. Or it could kill us all. But we'll never find out unless we try.

2026-09-10 22:50:17 UTC

I'm ordering the release of 500 shitposts from Mastodon's strategic bullshit reserves.

2026-09-10 14:34:13 UTC

I wish Ron Popeil had made a smart phone. One that grates cheese and makes beef jerky.

2026-09-09 22:34:49 UTC

I had a dream I had a foldable phone and when I woke up I had bent my dick in half.

2026-09-08 22:10:41 UTC

There's a certain segment of the population that will punch themselves in the dick from here to eternity instead of ever admitting they're wrong.

2026-09-07 12:21:37 UTC

Me: Ugh. What did I eat last night?
Narrator: Everything. He ate everything.

2026-09-07 12:17:07 UTC

I have, yet again, exceeded what is generally considered a safe amount of food to put in a tortilla.

2026-09-02 20:53:44 UTC

My AI toothbrush broke containment and cleaned the bidet.

2026-09-01 17:25:30 UTC

The plural of silly goose is:

2026-08-31 00:35:09 UTC

Made a new friend this weekend.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/187/309/783/006/724/original/7294a90ebe00088a.jpg

2026-08-31 00:21:20 UTC

https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/187/257/751/346/469/original/857c630db6c2b9ec.jpeg

2026-08-27 19:53:57 UTC

I'm currently out of the office. In my absence, please cast your email into the nearest active volcano.

2026-08-26 21:48:02 UTC

Picking your nose on a stoop used to be a legitimate pastime.

2026-08-21 01:14:23 UTC

They should have Jimothy throw out the first pitch at a Mariners game.

2026-08-20 11:01:01 UTC

Not now, sweetie. Daddy's researching a shitpost.

2026-08-16 21:38:22 UTC

- reply

Put it on my Meatball.

2026-08-10 11:49:42 UTC

RE: https://mastodon.social/@levelbot/117071048594249058
We've reached peak burrito.
#note1kxc…j7t4

2026-08-09 11:53:30 UTC

Good morning from my 10 foot sunflower.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/065/407/707/796/205/original/beecc650c566b75c.jpeg

2026-08-05 00:39:34 UTC

Forget touching grass. I need to lie in a bed of moss until it slowly covers me and the forest makes me its own.

2026-08-04 23:31:11 UTC

The average baseball fan eats 8 hot dogs in their sleep every year.

2026-08-04 00:26:18 UTC

I cut up some jalapeños about an hour ago and several of my finger tips are still on fire.

2026-08-02 21:53:57 UTC

- reply

It worked! I grew corn! Woo!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/028/125/725/101/608/original/2c3aa1901cd64785.jpg

2026-08-02 20:32:32 UTC

Garden to grill.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/027/811/502/072/109/original/5dad1f529684408c.jpeg

2026-07-29 00:34:35 UTC

Everyday I eat a stick of butter to lubricate my innards.

2026-07-28 01:40:50 UTC

Not now, sweetie. Daddy's busy handing out dopamine to strangers on the internet.

2026-07-27 18:41:29 UTC

I think I got the wrong version of Pacific Rim because this is just a compilation of people eating ass in Long Beach.

2026-07-24 15:58:36 UTC

RE: https://beige.party/@the_etrain/116975773753280322
Here, I'll start a spreadsheet.
#note1mtv…xv0y

2026-07-24 15:57:37 UTC

Why stop at testing soldiers' testosterone levels? Let's measure their dicks too.

2026-07-20 20:32:07 UTC

I have now seen the round little raccoon, and I cannot look away.

2026-07-20 16:57:15 UTC

License to Illiad

2026-07-20 16:40:25 UTC

Odysseus and his men rolling up in a Honda minivan.

2026-07-19 13:00:36 UTC

Cicadas spend a majority of their lives underground. They emerge. They make a big ruckus. They fuck. They die. What an admirable species.

2026-07-18 10:19:33 UTC

RE: https://mastodon.social/@levelbot/116940461059075324
We'll never fill the reflecting pool with numbers like this.
#note1zz7…klm2

2026-07-17 23:52:46 UTC

Could we all just have diarrhea on the wildfires?

2026-07-17 19:55:37 UTC

Call me crazy, but if my neighbor's house was on fire, I wouldn't complain about the smoke. I'd try to help them.

2026-07-16 19:20:16 UTC

Hear me out. Fill the reflecting pool with pudding.

2026-07-16 18:58:19 UTC

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person that isn't a degenerate gambler. Degenerate in many other ways, sure. Just not gambling.

2026-07-14 20:35:13 UTC

Last thing I remember is out pizza'ing the hut. Then I woke up in this ditch.

2026-07-12 11:36:16 UTC

Hello, world.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/906/794/405/315/753/original/172eb6d625188b57.jpg

2026-07-10 14:38:50 UTC

RE: https://mastodon.social/@levelbot/116896145752638299
Get in losers. We're going to Arby's.
#note16pu…xm7e

2026-07-08 23:54:30 UTC

If I were a beekeeper, I'd always wear the suit so people know. Walk into the bar, put the headgear on the bar beside me. Bartender'd be "what'll it beeee, Chief?", and I'd be like "stfu, Larry, I'm sick of that joke".

2026-07-08 17:31:27 UTC

*ERROR*
Password must have 104 non-repeating characters.

2026-07-07 01:10:34 UTC

Remember, before you post, ask yourself, does anyone really need to know this? Then post it anyway.

2026-07-06 18:24:16 UTC

Nice soccer tournament you got there. Be a damn shame if someone interfered with officiating, thereby drawing attention back to how goddamn corrupt the governing body is.

2026-07-05 22:19:59 UTC

https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/869/690/252/109/804/original/25a23634b92293fb.jpg

2026-07-02 21:07:36 UTC

Here's some guitar noodles because I lack the energy to do a video where I build the loop. Enjoy my sloppy noodles.
https://youtu.be/Jc4sBs4Heg0

2026-07-02 02:07:58 UTC

Shooting those whistling bottle rockets out of my butthole is protected speech and I will take this to the Supreme Court.

2026-07-01 21:28:49 UTC

RE: https://mastodon.social/@levelbot/116846836683512900
This measurement was obviously taken in the southern hemisphere.
#note1vr7…kaye

2026-07-01 17:34:38 UTC

Daylily
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/845/915/565/955/308/original/1d4e72f873d6dc1a.jpeg

2026-06-28 11:14:47 UTC

Oops, I did it* again.
*looked at the news

2026-06-27 19:24:28 UTC

With every decision, I ask, does this increase gooseholder value?

2026-06-27 12:27:11 UTC

Surely two pots of coffee will help with my anxiety.

2026-06-25 14:48:52 UTC

I will be out of the office and I have cast my email into a lake of fire. If your matter needs immediate attention, please contact the lake of fire.

2026-06-23 12:20:07 UTC

RE: https://retro.pizza/@ratvet/116799362296921857
Is this the post-nut clarity I keep hearing about?
#note1tw6…j0jc

2026-06-23 00:02:38 UTC

Welcome to America! Yes, it's always this ridiculous.

2026-06-22 12:58:51 UTC

RE: https://mastodon.social/@levelbot/116793870084630081
Oh, that's just great. Good job everyone. Really, just fantastic.
#note1ulr…y9lz

2026-06-18 22:08:02 UTC

RE: https://mastodon.social/@levelbot/116773344163841711
QUICK! EVERBODY LOWER YOUR PANTS!
#note1ddf…6m9v

2026-06-12 14:42:23 UTC

Mott the Hoople. Mott is a:

2026-06-12 14:39:40 UTC

*long drag on cigarette* Kid, nobody motts the hoople on their first try.

2026-06-12 13:08:07 UTC

Angry at the world and in need of a quiet place to poop.

2026-06-11 22:13:56 UTC

If the Canadian soccer team was smart, they'd have at least 3 geese on the field at all times.

2026-06-07 21:51:52 UTC

Asking random people on the train, "Did you bring the package?"

2026-06-07 18:28:29 UTC

Can't find the filter setting that only let's good posts come through.

2026-06-06 23:50:25 UTC

Being pecked to death by crows, but it's a monthly subscription.

2026-05-27 18:57:08 UTC

Hear me out. Instead of a base on the moon, affordable housing on Earth.

2026-05-24 13:19:54 UTC

I just found out flavorless toothpaste is a thing and now I'll be able to realize my dream of enjoying orange juice with a clean mouth.

2026-05-20 20:49:10 UTC

I'll fav and boost 2 seconds after it's posted. Idgaf. Let me in there when it's fresh.

2026-05-19 01:05:25 UTC

I'd like my head preserved in a freezer now. Not because I want to see the future. Because it's so hot out.

2026-05-15 18:48:17 UTC

- reply

Brutal 😂

2026-05-15 18:45:14 UTC

ATTENTION KMART SHOPPERS!

2026-05-13 16:30:18 UTC

It's a common misconception that Mastodon is just for nerds. It's also suitable for dweebs and the mildly horny.

2026-05-11 23:18:35 UTC

A factoid is a fact that hasn't entered Earth's atmosphere yet.

2026-05-08 00:40:13 UTC

I heard the FDA is going to start recommending eating 3 silica gel packets a day.

2026-05-03 20:28:53 UTC

I just got into the upper class by lying about the value of my Garbage Pail Kids collection and borrowing against it as collateral.

2026-05-01 00:04:18 UTC

There should be a Twilight Zone or something where a customer comes in for bottomless shrimp but they don't read the fine print and they end up contractually obligated to consume shrimp for all of eternity.

2026-04-30 23:54:17 UTC

*long drag on cigarette* I remember a time when the shrimp were endless. Nobody believes me.

2026-04-16 23:29:50 UTC

More drugs, please.

2026-04-16 11:14:48 UTC

- reply

Sounds punk rock on the surface of it.

2026-04-16 10:49:35 UTC

- reply

Was he an early looksmaxxing influencer?

2026-04-16 10:30:06 UTC

I never would have thought that the guy hitting himself in the face with a hammer was on drugs.

2026-04-15 16:31:07 UTC

Sure, it's a lot of bullshit, but it's a 𝘥𝘳𝘺 bullshit.

2026-04-15 01:00:27 UTC

Don't think. Let the muscle memory guide your thumb to the boost button.

2026-04-15 00:10:37 UTC

I was convinced that I'd have met more interesting characters in dark alleys by now.

2026-04-13 23:37:22 UTC

I miss being able to read the news and only wanting to launch my phone into the sun maybe twice a month instead of every goddamn time.

2026-04-12 12:21:51 UTC

To state the obvious, they sent the guy who can't even order donuts like a normal person to conduct highly contentious negotiations. Same guy.

2026-04-12 11:22:33 UTC

They keep using this word "negotiation". I do not think it means what they think it means.

2026-04-12 00:47:45 UTC

If Mastodon were a bar, it would be named:

2026-04-11 11:47:36 UTC

My toots are for external use only.

2026-04-10 16:38:43 UTC

The only way I'd ever watch Shark Tank is if they changed the format to dangling billionaires over a shark tank until they gave their fortunes away.

2026-04-09 10:45:10 UTC

My kid: It's going to be in the 80s next week.
Me: Oh yah? That sounds nice.
Kid: That means we don't need to wear our bike helmets and we can drink from the hose.
Me: What? No.