Mark Asser

Idle. Sometimes bone-idle. Trying to write fiction, intermittently. Also (still) trying to find the right chap. Easily distracted. I'm in South Australia, by the way. Sealions muted on sight.

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NIP-05 Address

markasser_at_beige.party@momostr.pink

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nprofile1qqswf4ulscchvg9jxtgwl0us44ey498hdzwpwlwstkyretq9d9qaftsprpmhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0d4hhxarj9ecxjmnt7edyju

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relay.momostr.pink

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Last Notes

2026-10-07 07:18:38 UTC

Oh no, I'm running low on a few spices and will have to go and try out the new Indian shop tomorrow. *stiffens upper lip*

2026-10-07 00:30:53 UTC

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Right. I'm going to go and do stuff while wearing the wrong shorts.

2026-10-07 00:20:57 UTC

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I can't find my gardening shorts, what could I possibly have done with them... No, don't answer that.

2026-10-06 23:58:57 UTC

Home from Hammerbarn, which didn't have any citrus so I accidentally bought native iris and thyme and things and am now committed to reworking a corner of the front garden. This isn't what I had in mind at all. What a disaster. But I'd better get it all in the ground today.

2026-10-06 20:47:41 UTC

Time for me to get up and start the process of getting ready to visit Hammerbarn. I'll go by bus, for musculoskeletal reasons. Travel time won't be that much different, if I include hanging around at Paradise.

2026-10-06 20:08:17 UTC

Seen 'em. They're rocks. Other rocks are viewable at no charge.
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2026-10-07/tourists-need-to-pay-and-book-to-visit-twelve-apostles/107233206

2026-10-03 07:01:42 UTC

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There's one at Paradise, as you'd expect.

2026-10-03 06:56:55 UTC

Three buses. Two trains. Six pints. One bus to go. Quite a nice day. I need a nap, I'm out of practice at six-pint scenarios.

2026-10-02 13:26:45 UTC

Well, damn it all. There are now no regular columns for me to seek out.
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/oct/02/rumours-demise-exaggerated-haters-bang-on-marina-hyde-final-column

2026-09-30 02:11:17 UTC

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Seriously, there are many good reasons why I usually go shopping at rhe crack of dawn. The clientele at that hour is not without sin, but I rarely place curses upon individuals when I'm there early.

2026-09-30 02:07:43 UTC

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Fifth bus, with groceries. The shop was full of comfortably upper-middle class types* who are in desperate need of a smack. I did not smack anyone. Not even the bloke who turned his trolley to block the aisle before wandering off. His age bracket is entirely predictable.
If I hadn't tried to pay that bill I'd have been home hours ago and would not now be dreaming of vengeance. Sneaking around the south-eastern suburbs under cover of night supergluing houses shut, that sort of thing.
* See 'The Thick Of It' - "Upper-Classholes"

2026-09-30 00:59:16 UTC

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No. Someone hasn't approved something or other. Clerical fail.
The sodding bill's less than $30.

2026-09-30 00:15:24 UTC

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Current location: Insalubrious.

2026-09-30 00:09:54 UTC

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Another admin fail. I can't pay the bill because someone hasn't yet performed some arcane accountancy ritual. I miss living in a place where everyone could do admin.
Waiting for the third sodding bus.

2026-09-29 23:31:01 UTC

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I am on the first bus, which is running late. Of course it is.

2026-09-29 22:35:04 UTC

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This could be a six bus day. For strange reasons I can afford to do tomorrow's shopping today so I might as well. Tomorrow's likely to be wet and I don't much care for walking home in the rain with a full load of groceries and no free hand for an umbrella.
(But what will I do tomorrow? No, don't answer that.)

2026-09-29 20:40:40 UTC

The morning's ruined already, I've remembered that I have to go and pay a bill, and I'm not sure how much it will be. But there's still a couple of hours for mindless indolence followed by toast.

2026-09-28 07:25:34 UTC

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We're not planning to put anyone else in there, we just don't want the current inhabitants getting out.

2026-09-28 06:04:35 UTC

Lying here, feeling rotten, when an email arrives to confirm that I now hold the interment rights to my grandmother's grave. I even get a certificate. Could be timely.
I probably won't frame the certificate.

2026-09-28 03:35:14 UTC

That feeling when the belief that there is bacon in the freezer turns out to be very wrong.

2026-09-28 02:23:49 UTC

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I have had a Treatment. This will be a regular event for a little while. I've cancelled my afternoon plans and will shortly go home and stay there 'cos I feel taxidermied.

2026-09-28 00:15:23 UTC

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New patient paperwork done. Now I wait.

2026-09-27 23:51:20 UTC

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Made it with 10 minutes to spare. Time for a drink before I go in.

2026-09-27 23:18:51 UTC

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Here come the garbos. Could be an omen.

2026-09-27 23:15:13 UTC

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Bus is running late. I don't need this.

2026-09-27 22:30:38 UTC

Showered. Dressed. Filled with toast. Forty minutes to dispose of before it's worth leaving the house. Forty minutes in which I don't especially want to think.

2026-09-27 05:57:21 UTC

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I recommend a combination of bed rest and toast. It might not help but there will be two good things, bed rest and toast.

2026-09-27 02:12:23 UTC

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Checked the label on the remaining bundle. Grown near Koo Wee Rup, so not Adelaide-local but good enough.

2026-09-27 02:09:41 UTC

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At this time of year, at that price, it must be local.

2026-09-27 01:45:48 UTC

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I can't see from here, it was listed on the fire service's feed.

2026-09-27 01:36:33 UTC

Fire alarm's gone off at the shops. It wasn't me.

2026-09-27 01:22:57 UTC

[Note to self: There was asparagus in that. Don't panic later.]

2026-09-26 00:08:48 UTC

For everyone else terminally annoyed by sportsball grand finals, here's David Mitchell representing my feelings. Different sport, but that hardly matters.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MusyO7J2inM

2026-09-25 06:15:05 UTC

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Up where?

2026-09-25 02:48:52 UTC

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I was told, twice, that it's the wrong time of year to be buying boots. FFS.

2026-09-25 02:37:21 UTC

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I wanted a pair of brown boots to replace the ones that gave up on existence a while back. Something that looks a bit like a shoe once they're under trousers. Something comfortable for walking all day rather than just sitting in a car. A tall order, apparently.
First shop: Kathmandu. Their hiking boots are upstairs. Upstairs was closed because of a pigeon infestation, which could have made the stock quite outdoorsy.
Second shop: Grundy's, which has been keeping Mum shod since 1949. They're reliable, but not this time. My size (Aus 10, Euro 44) sells out first, apparently. They offered to get a pair sent up from Victor Harbor, but that wouldn't guarantee that they'd be right. I could have paid $349 for something I didn't much like.
Third shop: Another outdoorsy hikey place. Everything was too hideous to contemplate, and the cheap ones were around $450. Nope.
Fourth shop: Ward's, at Norwood. Nothing in my size. And no, if I've asked for brown boots don't offer me black shoes.
Fifth shop: Exurbia, which used to be the Scout Shop. They had something that looked reasonable on the top shelf. $600. Nope. Excessive for use merely on uneven footpaths.
Sixth shop: David Jones, the home of desperation and strangely distant service. Found a pair for $249. Very modern, with a zip down the side for quick entrance/egress. Sadly, the zip wouldn't do up once my foot was in. A bit of a design fail. But then I found a fairly dull dark brown boot with a poorly-chosen white sole. Rockport brand; never my first choice but always wearable. $299, reduced to $159. I got them for $111.80. They will do.
I am quite tired now.

2026-09-25 01:06:18 UTC

Ordeal by shoe shop. It's a thing. I'll expostulate once I'm home.

2026-09-24 20:43:44 UTC

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A fluffed-up king parrot is a rare sight. They're usually so sleek.

2026-09-24 06:21:06 UTC

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I get my fibre from brown rice, wholegrain bread, etc. No holes in the wall yet.

2026-09-24 00:11:24 UTC

New impromptu fountain sighted! Hope someone else has phoned it in, I'm on a bus.

2026-09-23 22:24:56 UTC

I must get out of bed. Life is cruel. But I remind myself that al of the scheduled horrors will be over before lunch. I will cope. The three phases of existence - birth, coping, death. I plan to cope for a very long time.

2026-09-22 05:04:21 UTC

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If I say what's on the very top of my mind, people will think that I've lured waterfowl into immorality. That would never do. [Fill in a wide range of your favourite obscene expostulations here, to save me the trouble. Thanks.]
Anyway. Four buses, three cabs, two banks, one JP, and sundry other things have been Dealt With and I am more or less shattered. But it's all done.

2026-09-21 22:49:50 UTC

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At the bus stop. The struggle with public transport will be a brief prologue to the greater struggle with corporate (not government) bureaucracy. Government stuff's easier, there are rules and obligations. The private sector just makes up any old shit.

2026-09-21 21:04:55 UTC

Today has the potential to be awful as I wrestle with someone else's admin in three separate locations. There will be toast before it all starts, and some sort of pathetic treat from the shops on the way home once it's all over. In between those delights, my mind will sustain repeated assaults...

2026-09-20 23:24:04 UTC

By 10am I need to be calm and completely unflappable. Right now, though, I'm seething about something. I have just over an hour to achieve serenity. The outlook is not promising.

2026-09-20 01:12:27 UTC

Gusty winds and pollen, such a fun scenario. *splutter, sniff*

2026-09-18 23:30:42 UTC

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She was fabulous in Waiting For God.

2026-09-17 23:20:41 UTC

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That does not include flat Turkish things from the Aldi freezer. I'll stock up tomorrow.

2026-09-17 23:19:45 UTC

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Books, yes. Choc, not so much. I need to avoid all of the fun foods for now.

2026-09-17 00:02:59 UTC

Just back from another rendezvous with Dracula. The big issue of the moment is how my freshly-diagnosed Acronym affects my long-term Embuggerances, though I doubt that there's a connection to my Agonies.
My next scheduled medical frolic is next Thursday. In the meantime I'm tangled up in someone else's admin. There's no need for me to be involved, but the admin-owner has kindly if forcefully waived that requirement. This will come to a head on Tuesday.
There are also Other Issues bubbling along in the background.
In short, everything's a mess and I'm not thrilled. Don't be surprised if I vanish for a day or two in the near future.

2026-09-12 20:54:52 UTC

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Good. Now we know where to look in the event that something derails.

2026-09-12 20:44:45 UTC

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$10 a bottle. It's still just water. Get a fucking grip.

2026-09-12 20:43:38 UTC

The first thing I said out loud today was 'For fuck's sake', so it's going well.
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2026-09-12/yorke-peninsula-fine-mineral-water/107134142

2026-09-12 14:52:53 UTC

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I've moved a few times, it's fairly painless. Where are you moving to?