Hoss "Sneed (Formerly Chuck)” Delgado on Nostr: >be USSR, late 1960s >build MiG-25 Foxbat >actual design requirement: intercept ...

>be USSR, late 1960s
>build MiG-25 Foxbat
>actual design requirement: intercept extremely fast American bombers at extremely high altitude
>basically a flying surface-to-air missile battery with a cockpit
>enormous engines
>enormous radar
>goes Mach Fuck
>turning radius roughly equivalent to the administrative borders of Kazakhstan
>made largely of stainless steel because titanium is expensive and Ivan owns a perfectly good welding torch
>perfectly adequate for intended job
>Americans see blurry photographs of it
>INTELLIGENCE ANALYSIS TIME
>"Holy shit."
>"Twin engines."
>"Gigantic wings."
>"Mach 3."
>"Huge radar."
>"The Soviets have clearly invented some kind of super-fighter."
>US analysts start filling in every unknown characteristic with the most terrifying answer imaginable
>must be incredibly maneuverable
>must have incredible range
>must have revolutionary materials
>must dominate everything we currently fly
>entire Pentagon collectively hallucinates fictional MiG-25 in its head
>Soviet intelligence notices Americans are terrified of Foxbat
>looks at actual Foxbat
>looks back at Americans
>"yes"
>"that is exactly what we have built"
>"please continue believing this"
>unexpected propaganda victory
>capitalists apparently frightened by giant stainless-steel telephone pole with afterburners
>nobody in Moscow feels compelled to correct them
>US response is completely rational and proportionate
>spends enormous resources developing fighter specifically to beat the imaginary Soviet aircraft
>result: F-15 Eagle
>massive radar
>absurd thrust-to-weight ratio
>excellent visibility
>highly maneuverable
>long-range missiles
>powerful engines
>genuinely enormous upgrade potential
>design philosophy basically "what if MiG-25 but every terrifying thing we imagined about it was actually true"
>Soviets watching development reports
>"wait"
>"comrade, Americans appear to be building counter-Foxbat"
>"excellent"
>"no, you misunderstand"
>"they are building the Foxbat they thought WE built"
>1976
>Viktor Belenko defects to Japan in MiG-25
>Americans finally get to dissect one
>open panels
>stainless steel
>vacuum tubes
>welds everywhere
>engines that can reach ludicrous speeds largely by eating their own lifespan
>giant radar powerful enough to interrogate God but technologically rather less magical than expected
>airframe optimized for going extremely fast in mostly the same direction
>Pentagon engineers staring at it like archaeologists discovering the terrifying dragon skeleton is actually farm equipment
>"Wait, this isn't an air-superiority fighter."
>"No."
>"It can't dogfight an F-15."
>"No."
>"It can't really dogfight an F-4."
>"Not the point."
>"Why is it made out of steel?"
>"Because steel works."
>"Why did we think this thing was the final boss?"
>"You tell us."
>Soviets had accidentally pulled history's greatest procurement psyop without actually planning one
>problem: joke has now catastrophically backfired
>America did not merely discover Foxbat wasn't the monster it feared
>America had already built the monster
>USSR: possesses specialized high-speed interceptor
>USA: possesses F-15
>Foxbat propaganda W instantly converts into aerospace L
>imagine bluffing that you have Excalibur
>enemy becomes terrified
>enemy spends ten years forging actual Excalibur
>enemy eventually captures your sword
>it's a sharpened crowbar
>"HAHA! You capitalist fools! You fell for our deception!"
>F-15 takes off in background
>entire Soviet design bureau stops laughing
>now have to develop MiG-29 and Su-27 because Americans responded to imaginary Soviet wunderwaffe by making the wunderwaffe real
>Cold War procurement was incredible
>US intelligence: "the enemy has invented a terrifying machine that does not exist"
>US aerospace industry: "understood, we'll have one ready shortly"
>USSR: "THAT WAS NOT THE INTENDED OUTCOME"