watts_bar on Nostr: Mental health release GM Nostr. I had a tough one this weekend. I understand that ...

Mental health release

GM Nostr. I had a tough one this weekend. I understand that talking about difficult things helps one process and move on. Since Nostr is such a close knit community and completely incomprehensible to the general public I feel like this is a safe place to share my experiences without exposing my personal identity or violating any privacy laws.

Do not read below this line unless you want to read about real life interactions with death and severe trauma.

I’m a volunteer firefighter in a rural community. We are a 100% volunteer force that supports all emergency operations in the county. We have one ambulance that is staffed 24/7 by a paid crew, but that ambulance has to cover 217 square miles. Ambulance response times can take up to 2 hours and volunteer firefighters are often first on scene to medical emergencies.

Sunday afternoon I got a call for a motorcycle vs car accident on a two lane state highway. I jumped into my personal vehicle and rushed to the scene, about six minutes away. No time to get the fire engine or rescue vehicle. I do carry some basic medical supplies and have my personal vehicle equipped with flashing lights.

When I got to the scene, the car was partially blocking the roadway so I blocked the northbound lane with my personal vehicle got out and approached the accident.

The car was closest to me, so I went there first. The driver was shaken, but apparently uninjured. I told her to stay in Vehicle and wait for the ambulance. The motorcycle was about 50 feet up the road in a ditch and I could not immediately see the motorcycle driver. As I walked north past the point of collision I noticed fragments of bone in the roadway. Another 20 or 30 feet up I found a helmet laying in the ditch.

I always get hopeful when I find clues or a trail. Maybe the guy wandered off in shock and all I have to do is find him so I can help him. That was not the case. I found the victim face down, crumpled into the embankment. All four limbs were broken, and even from the back the head was quite misshapen. No pulse. There was nothing I could do.

By then other firefighters and local sheriff deputies were arriving. I gave a situation report to the incident commander helped cover the body with a sheet and stepped away to help direct traffic.

All highway fatalities are investigated by state troopers before we can clear the scene. They arrived quickly and worked in a professional manner conducting their investigation as rapidly as possible. But news travels fast in a small town. Friends and family members of the deceased started showing up before we had a chance to move the young man’s body to the ambulance.

Not knowing he had passed friends and family members abandoned their cars in the middle of the road at the roadblock and started running towards the scene, hoping against the worst. Local sheriffs, deputies and other firefighters were able to stop them before they got too close. I find a bit of solace in the fact that I took the time to cover him with a sheet. That his loved ones last memories of him weren’t seeing him mangled, blue, and bloated on the side of the road.

From the time I arrived to the time the state troopers concluded their investigation and cleared us to move the body took about an hour. This was a rather large individual, well in excess of 300 pounds. It took six of us to unfold him and roll him onto a backboard so we could lift him out of the ditch. In addition to his weight, we had a difficult time moving him, every time you tried to grab a limb or move the body it gave way because almost every bone was broken. Moving a body like this is always personal, almost intimate. You have to get very close to put your hands on and manage that kind of weight.

We got him loaded into the ambulance and sent him on his way. Opened the highway back up and started the normal flow of traffic. Frustrated drivers giving us disdainful looks for having a minor inconvenience on a Sunday afternoon, blaming first responders for closing the road.

Thank you for listening and letting me vent. I found it to be helpful and therapeutic. I think I’ll tell my second story later that’s enough processing for now. I’m going to go feed my chickens, touch grass and get some sun.